Introduction

This book is dedicated to the millions of sufferers of a common place ailment (Hemorrhoids) that because of the lack of communication (it is rarely discussed) or written about that is experienced by 3 out of 5 people. I was one of them. Did you notice that I said (was one of them)? I have been free of this unhappy condition for many years. I have listened to and followed the advice of druggists, doctors, laymen and well wishers and still suffered! Many people with a genuine desire to help have suggested many types of home remedies that they truly believed helped them.

I have gone to the libraries looking for something written in other than doctors, technicians and researchers language. While what they have written is perfectly clear to them and their colleagues, it's Greek or some other foreign language to most of us. That is why I have written this book. This book will not be a big one, because I am going to stick to the "meat and potatoes" that will give you the information you need. I am going to do something for you that will aid you in reading through this book without excessive eye fatigue. I have long contended that most people responsible for books and newsprint, especially phone books don't give a darn about our ability to read their fine print. Most of you will probably be able to read this without your glasses (that is if you wear them).

I don't intend to fill the pages with a lot of crap (which I am capable of) you will get tired of reading. I won't get my message across to you in a way that will do you any good. Many books have a lot of words to make the book bigger. In this book you will come across information on antiques which you at first don’t seem to relate to the final and only thing this book is about; "the formula" that is going to give you lasting relief. It does relate to hemorrhoids directly. Bear with me and read it thoroughly. I think you will be very happy with the outcome.

This book is being written so that those of us who are not versed in medical or technical terms can understand what has been done and what is predicted for the future. I have always wanted to be a doctor, but after talking to several medical school personnel I became convinced that without money I would not be able to do it. I had hoped I could hold down a part time job to finance my way through medical school. I learned that it would require 12 to 16 hours a day for attendance and study. If I held down a job that only required 4 hours per day it could leave me with only 4 hours for sleep and all the other tasks living requires. So I switched to civil engineering studies which gave me more latitude to work in order to earn money to complete the engineering studies. I have since the 1930's bought and read medical books because of my curiosity concerning the human body and its problems. I still have a fair sized collection of medical books that I frequently consult for information. Meantime most people are suffering from this pesky affliction. Although it is not easy to read through a book that deals with subjects such as this. It can be darned boring which is something I can't help. I will try instead to lighten your reading of this book by inserting "Useless Information" at intervals. I am an avid collector of it. Probably because of curiosity (that killed the cat) is still prodding me to discover new items as old ones become boring.

Useless Information: Hair is almost indestructible. It decays at a very slow rate so that it seems impossible to get rid of it unless you burn it. Cold, changes of climate, water or other natural forces won't destroy it. It is also resistant to many acids (look at what women do to their hair!) So next time you have to clean out a sink drain because of hair, remember what you are dealing with. (I mean the hair - not women!)

The following information may not seem related to hemorrhoids as you begin to read it, but it is! It explains how an ordinary person full of energy and enjoying life can work themselves into a corner where they become a prime candidate for hemorrhoids.

I guess you could call me a traveling man. I managed to acquire three engineering degrees over the years, which I suppose qualifies me as an over educated ass. Most people (myself included) don't really know how to capitalize on the education they have. Knowledge can be like some goods in the old country stores. It is sitting way back on a shelf behind some other goods (your co-workers) and although it may be of top quality and a bargain, nobody sees or recognizes it. To make it pay for itself, it must be exposed and sold the same as any other goods on the market today. This is where the expression that I am sure you have heard of sometime comes from - hiding your light under a bushel basket. As a consulting engineer working for a variety of engineering companies, I was sent out to various industries ranging in: manufactured products from manure spreaders (not the same as you elect to go to Washington D.C.), cereals, chocolate, armored vehicles, tanks guns, aircraft, and electronic devices to name a few.

Everything you use today starts out with engineering. Most companies start out with a bang and make money which is not always spent wisely and eventually after a few years they find they are in a deep mess they cannot straighten out. They call for a consulting engineering company to correct their problems and put the business back on an even keel. These companies expect the consulting engineer to find the problem and rectify it in a few days. The company had already spent years creating the mess they were in! The engineering company that you work for expects you to withhold the solution as long as possible so they can earn more money. So, you have one foot in the frying pan and one foot in the fire. Result? Tension! One of the contributing factors which helps to produce hemorrhoids. Your daily routine of living is knocked off center. Your physical well being is compromised. In other words your immune system is downgraded and you are susceptible to various afflictions.

For 22 years I was a nomad that was sent around the country as an engineering problem solver. I might be on a job 2 months, usually never longer than 6 months, and then moved on. A prime candidate for hemorrhoids - which I managed to acquire. I didn't ask for them but I got them anyway!

Useless Information: At least 32,000,000 people are admitted to hospitals each year. Of them 1,500,000 developed some disease simply by being in the hospital. More than 15,000 of these people die. Doctors have given this syndrome a name "nosocomial disease". It comes from the Greek word "nosocomium" meaning hospital. Moral - don’t do anything that will cause you to spend time in a hospital! Anyway home cooking is better!

We grew even dumber! We arranged a lease purchase on a mansion in Montrose Virginia somehow reasoning that if we had an impressive setting for the antique business we would be more successful. It was massive place with five bedrooms, 5 baths, immense living room, butler’s pantry, library, and a kitchen the size of a ball room. Outside were about 40 one hundred year old boxwood bushes. So we called it Boxwood Antiques. One thing we had not taken into consideration; Montross was an impoverished area in the early 1950's. Most people did not buy because they didn't have the money to spare. After a year of treading water to keep our noses above the sea of debt we were creating we decided we needed to move to a better location where we could be seen by more people. We also found during this year how little we knew about the business we had chosen. We bought books and studied, talked to as many knowledgeable people as we could, roamed around into as many antique shops as we could, picked peoples brains about things we didn't know. At about the end of the year when we decided to move we were a little bit more knowledgeable. No one can ever learn everything about antiques because there are too many varieties of them and you won't live long enough to acquire the wisdom and knowledge. Anybody who says "I know all about antiques" is a part of the horse where the used hay comes out of.

We started to drive up Route 301 which goes through Waldorf, Maryland and heads toward Washington, D.C. We looked at any place we thought might be a good business location but found them too small or too high priced. We had a total wealth of $600.00. We needed a place that we could afford and we also had moving costs to cover. If you ever accused someone of being an optimist we were it. (We still had a guardian angel that looks out for drunks and fools looking after us.) We finally came to Route 50 which heads east to the seaside areas. We headed in that direction and found nothing until we crossed over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge onto Kent Island and about 800 feet from the end of the bridge and 400 feet on our left from the highway we saw a large old wooden schoolhouse. We drove over to it and worked our way through the weeds and brush growing in front of the building until we could enter the building to see what it was like. 90 percent of all the windows had been broken out by the industrious kids in the area. Inside we were greeted by thousands of bees and wasps. Now I have never been able to get along with bees. They seem to like to taste me which results in a sting. Somehow I don't appreciate their attention.

We felt that this might be what we were looking for and that it would be a good location because anyone wanting to go to the beaches had to pass this location as the Chesapeake Bridge was the only way across the bay at that time to get to the eastern shore. Later they built a second bay bridge, but it was along side of the original. Time proved we were right. The building had two floors and we felt we had plenty of room to grow.

Unfortunately today a small business won't provide enough income to support those owning and operating it. Supermarkets while they are a blessing in creating lower prices in a rising cost of living, they at the same time have spoiled the general public by offering a variety of manufacturers for most products. The public is not confronted with a single product which he hesitates to buy because it isn't exactly what he wanted. Instead he can choose another similar item that does suit his needs. The antique business is forced into the same mold. If it has one bowl and pitcher set, it might stay on the shelf unsold for months. If you have a selection of six or eight bowls and pitchers, you are reasonably sure of selling one. Being optimists we saw this expansion in our minds.

We noticed a little real estate office on the corner as we drove in. We went to it and enquired about the schoolhouse. Could it be rented or purchased?  Found out we could purchase it and worked out a lease purchase for the building and one and one half acres of land. The price in 1952 was $12,000.00 believe it or not! We made a lease purchase deal for one year at $50.00 per month the balance to be paid at the end of one year. We not only made a good deal, but we also saved the building from destruction. It had been empty for six years. Several people had tried to build successful businesses there and failed. The word got around about our attempt to open a business there and the general opinion of the people in the area was that we would last about 6 months. The building had been scheduled to be burned down as an exercise for the fire department in November of that year. We leased the building in September.

It took us about a month to get rid of the bees and replace the broken windows which were 8 feet tall and 3 feet wide. There were 14 of them on the first floor. The second floor windows were only 5 feet by 3 feet and took less work. The second floor became our living quarters and workshop. There was about 3800 square feet on each floor. It took us about a year to sparsely cover all the first floor with merchandise.

From the day we opened our doors we had a good following of people. Eventually our electronic counter in the door informed us that 90,000 people a year were going through our place of business on an average.

We operated the Old Schoolhouse Antiques for twenty four years. We would still be there if I had not seen on the Maryland State blueprints of road improvements that they intended to make. Route 50 was to become a limited access highway with access through concrete barriers at two miles intervals. The one nearest our place of business was one quarter mile past our shop. People won't turn back, especially if the entrance to something is not clear. In our case you would have to go a mile and three quarter further down the road, then travel north a mile and a quarter, head east about a mile, then turn south another mile, then back west one quarter of a mile to be in front of our shop. I felt people would not do it and we would lose our business. We had an opportunity to sell the property to people who wanted to make lawyers and doctors offices in it which they called "Schoolhouse Commons". They spent $800,000.00 remodeling it and eventually the property was on the market for $1,000,000.00. On a trip back east 6 years ago we stopped by to see what had happened since we left in 1985. They were bankrupt and the building was empty. People could not find their way into it. So again the angel who looks after drunks and fools looked after us!

Useless Information: We know the human race is about 50,000 years old. That adds up to about 800 lifetimes. Assuming the average lifespan to be 65 years of these 800 lifetimes, about 600 were passed by cave dwellers. The luxury we have today through manufactured items which make our life easy was developed in the past 7 lifetimes! Watch out for the next lifetime. I suspect we will be identified by implanted computer chips at the time of birth and catalogued in a directory like a phone book.

Chapter 1

I don't know whether or not you have ever examined the electro-chemical machine you call your body. If you haven't, I suggest you do so now. The body is a complex machine designed to accept raw material (even if it is cooked it still is considered raw material) which it converts into chemicals to keep your body operating at your command. It even generates electricity which keeps your pump (heart) functioning to push blood through 70,000 miles of blood vessels. This pump will function 100,000 times every 24 hours. It keeps alive the ten trillion cells in your body. In addition it is designed to overcome most obstacles it encounters.

Mama nature did make one mistake when she designed this almost perfect machine. She forgot to put a check valve in the column of blood which feeds the lower extremities. This allows excessive pressure to be exerted in one of the most delicate and tender tissues in the human body - the anus.

There are still many theories as to why we should have the problems we have. One suggestion is that we were fine until man assumed an upright position. This creates more pressure which affects the thin walls in the rectal area because we have added two more feet of vertical blood column. This adds pressure to a system not designed to pump more blood vertically. This causes additional pressure in veins too thin to handle the pressure. The results are varicose veins. Hemorrhoids are a form of varicose veins. Unfortunately due to our technology we produce more food too easily. Because there is so much food available we eat too much and create fat in the process. Fat is a useless product which does nothing for our general well being. It does however create the need for more blood which in turn creates more blood pressure. This we don't need!

Anal veins have problems because they are at the bottom of a lot of blood in the arteries and veins above. Therefore when you strain to eliminate a stool you are creating more pressure and stand a good chance of blowing a hole in one of the veins in the rectal area. On the other hand your arteries are thick and muscular because your heart pumps blood into them at high pressure. After the blood has squeezed its way through the capillaries to nourish tissues it finds its way into veins of almost no pressure. The veins are very thin. Their only function is to carry the blood back to the heart. Almost any pressure can expand or distend them. High blood pressure is said to contribute to excessive pressure in the veins. What I am trying to tell you is that we have a very delicate system returning the blood to the heart. Anything that increases the pressure in these veins, especially those to the lower parts of the body can contribute to the formation of hemorrhoids. Almost without exception we take better care of our watches than we do of our body. At one time when I was a lot younger (and when I knew everything about everything) I got the idea, as all young squirts do, that I was invincible. A few mishaps throughout my life have taught me otherwise. You too must learn!

Useless Information: Did you know false teeth are often radioactive? Over 1,000,000 Americans were dentures. Half of them are made of a porcelain compound which has minute amounts of uranium to give them fluorescence. If the compound did not have the uranium the dentures would have a dull green color in artificial light.

As I said earlier, a hemorrhoid is a swollen vein and except for its location would be classified as a varicose vein. Hemorrhoids are small distended veins in the anus. They do have a classification first, second or third degree. They also can be classified as burning, itching, or bleeding. I can speak with authority because I have had all three. If there were more varieties I would probably have had them too.

First degree: is usually painless but causes bleeding. This is when they begin to form. As they enlarge you will begin to have pain and itching. You might have slight bleeding for years which you can see on your stools, it is bright red. Later on, depending on your activities, they could progress to the second degree.

Second degree: protrudes and descends into the canal during straining. They do however return to their place when straining is over. There is more pain and they could cause itching. This is very embarrassing when you are in public view. You feel like "I gotta do something, this is driving me crazy." I speak from experience.
 
Third degree: the medical term is "prolapsed”. It means you have a condition where the hemorrhoids protrude out of the anus. Usually they return to their position but as they get older they may not and at this point you have considerable pain.

Now a word of explanation - I want you to really understand hemorrhoids. When they first begin to form there will be no pain, no symptoms or other indications that they exist. As they enlarge the first symptom will be pain and or itching. Blood will be seen on the toilet paper. The stools will also show some blood. A burning or itching condition will follow. Pain will be noticed when they become "thrombosis". All that means is that blood will be collected in the blood vessel and become curdled or coagulated. From this point on hemorrhoids can be described as a sensation of burning, itching, and pain; individually or in combination.

Now the above conditions do not always mean you have hemorrhoids. It may be a case of small cracks or fissures in the skin around the anus. Rectal pain, swelling, and bleeding can also be caused by tumors or fistulas (abnormal passages).

Another symptom; when you strain during and after a hard stool you may have pain in the rectal area. It may stay with you a couple of days and then go away only to return intermittently. Anything that tears, or stretches or injures the tender skin in the rectal area will produce pain. Even the continued use of a nozzle during an enema can injure this soft tissue.

When the blood in a hemorrhoid clots it will turn purple. This is when the hemorrhoid becomes swollen and painful. In appearance hemorrhoids are usually little red clumps that protrude through the rectal wall. When they enlarge further down in the rectum they may be suspended on thin stalks still the same red purple color. They are the same when they protrude under the anal skin and form grape like groups. This is the most painful condition. Itching usually accompanies this condition.

Now before you get excited if you think you see blood on your stool, stop and think about medication you may have taken. In some cases they can cause red conditions in your stool. Some food you may have had recently can cause the same effect. Beets for instance will show a red color in your stool for several days. Some of our foods have a dye which can cause a red color. If the color is caused by blood it will be a bright red. Dark red or black can indicate a serious condition and you should consult a doctor.

Useless Information: Human blood was once used to christen a ship. Champagne is a substitute. In times long ago, Vikings and various south sea tribes sacrificed human beings on the prows of their ships. The spirits of these poor victims were supposed to guard the ship. Sometime later wine was substituted for blood and then later champagne. If I had been one of those hapless beings, instead of protecting the ship l would have done my best to sink the sucker! Have you ever thought of becoming a poltergeist? It could be fun bumping the elbow of someone holding a cup of coffee that had bored you sometime earlier!

[ Here Ends the First Chapter ]


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